There is no other way to put it.
I fell into a chasm of peppermint chaos
and am only now beginning to resurface from under the waves of eggnog.
(You can’t breathe in waves of eggnog, by the way)
Not to say there was NO holiday magic….
But, I didn’t do one single thing this holiday that I meant to.
I didn’t make gingerbread houses with my children.
I didn’t take pretty pictures of my decorations
and participate in The Nesters Christmas Tour of Homes.
I didn’t read a bit of Dicken’s Christmas Carol
outloud each night to my little ones, leading up to the “big day”.
I didn’t finish my Eco-Guide feature posts,
(but, psst–I WAS interviewed
featuring the Eco-Lovely Guide
over at Lifetime Moms!!:)
…don’t worry–the posts are forthcoming up until the end of January
which will be the perfect way to take advantage of getting
a head start on NEXT years gifts, as well as those for Valentines Day.
(see me attempt to be proactive??:P)
I had to find most of my gifts last minute
and didn’t order the handmade gift tags
I’d been drooling over since forever.
Why-oh-why is it that my brain chooses such a busy month
to allow the beast of perfectionism to rear its ugly head?
My fingers have ached to work out these frustrations via the keypad
only to have computer issues so monumental
I can hardly even describe them.
Mid-November I began to notice my old Mac
was having severe problems running
and refused to upload any of my new photographs.
After losing several photo shoots—I had had enough.
I began the lengthy process of backing up all of my data
and wiping the hard drive clean.
After all, cleanliness is next to godliness, right?
HOWEVER, in the midst of re-uploading my Mac software
(i.e. disk 1 of the operating system was finished and I put in disk 2…….)
only to find that my second disk was scratched beyond ALL help.
After speaking with the good people at Apple Care,
I learned that I was at the point of no return as far as
uploading my system went and was locked in a permanent blue screen.
That is, until I could get my hands on another good disk.
I could NOT back out of my upload, could NOT use anyone else’s system disks–
as Mac writes each set for the computer they come with,
and could NOT purchase a second disk from any retailer
as my operating system had been phased out.
Great.
The best thing they could do for me, was to ship me out a new set of disks
—but, since the system I used was so old–
I wouldn’t be able to receive them until some time in January.
Double Great.
So, borrowed computers from everyone under the sun,
and at the end of December,
finally decided to purchase a MacBook Pro,
from a friend who was upgrading to a 17 in. system.
THEN, when I’d finally worked out a way to make THAT happen,
THAT particular computer decided to go all wonky on me,
refused to use any internet platform,
and ate my photography software.
Triple Great.
So you might say that I have been
experiencing technical difficulties, to put in mildly.
Then, to top everything off, Wolf
–who had been without work for almost the entire month of November–
was suddenly flooded with projects, which kept him out until
one or two a.m some nights, and left him physically exhausted.
THEN we all got sick.
SICK. As in completely unable to breathe, sick.
And today–as my husband declared our tree a fire hazard
and removed it to the fire pile–
I was reduced to a puddle of tears.
I hadn’t taken ONE picture of it decorated and lit up like a fairy bower.
I didn’t take a single picture of our hand-made stockings–
upcycled from old sweaters and vintage buttons.
I didn’t plan the upcoming year of homeschooling lessons before New Year’s…
and I DIDN’T stop and smell the roses.
NOR did I take the time to post any
of the eco-holiday tutorials I so longed to share.
Dumb.
Although Sam found plenty of time
to stop and make a chocolate frosting mustache:
I feel like muck—very disorganized, inefficient, WAY BEHIND, muck.
I can’t even begin to tally up the things I have yet to do
(or have forgotten to do…)
But, I have a computer again–
and I am working to shake off this depressed state the best that I can.
I want to write poems and lay in sunshine kisses,
but the day is gray-cold and I have ten trillion things to do.
My house is a mess of legendary proportions
and I am still in the jammies I wore yesterday.
Please love me anyway<3
As I enter a new year I have to remind myself of what truly matters
and just know that I’ll dig my way through to the other side soon.
That it doesn’t matter what I haven’t done but,
that its what I WILL DO that offers promise.
My one year blog-o-versary is the twenty fourth of this month.
I am so proud to have built up this little computer-house
….and even prouder of the relationships I’ve forged because of it.
I will end this rambling with a sincere “thankyou”.
Because you all just make everything better.
What are some ways you
“pull yourself up by your bootstraps”
when things go completely awry?
<3 Sara Sophia
"May the love of
our Lord be with
you. Now and always
may you stay blameless
'till He comes."
My dear friend…..you inspire us all to be amazing mothers, wives, and friends. Don’t let this get to you. No one can take away the memories I am sure you have made with your children. No picture could capture the feeling you feel when you think about it! Love <3
I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but that was one heck of a month Sara Sophia! I am so sorry. Wish I lived closer to come lend a hand, or bring a dinner, to take something of your plate. Hang in there – and know that the good memories of the last month will outshine the bad in years to come.
I wondered where you had got to! You poor thing. Sounds like you had a really rough time of it. Things can only get better
darling, sometimes things are just plain sucky. but it will pass. whine if you need to whine, and stop when you’re ready. so there.
I STILL <3 YOU!!! Sorry you have had such a stressful season, I hope everything mellows out now…dont beat yourself up for what didnt happen, just move on with today
its gonna be a good year!
See?
See why I love you?
You guys ARE the freaking straps on my boots.
I pull myself up with you.
Feeling much much better due to the friendly words,
Sara Sophia
I wondered where you ran off to! You have had quite the time w/ your computers haven’t you? Geesh! Just breathe and look forward to this new year..I know you will have tons of posts full of awesome for us!
So sorry things have been rough. Those cookies still look delicious, your kids adorable, and from how you describe your decorations amazing.
Everything will fall into place. I had to work most of the Christmas season. And didn’t make any cookies all December long. So, we made Christmas cookies with the kids yesterday ( January 2nd), because Christmas is so special it really doesn’t matter if they are a week behind.
Sometimes just forgetting everyone and everything else and taking some time for you is what a mama needs. Don’t worry about us, we know your beautiful posts will be here soon, take time for yourself to get back into Sara Sophia mode. Which we all love so much.
Sending a prayer your way for things to fall back into place.
you are loved by more than you know, and inspire more than you can imagine. (like my best friend from law school that recently mentioned that she reads every blog post of yours. i had no idea.)
you inspire us all to be better people and have fun doing it. (:
and of course your blog’s anniversary is the day before my birthday! fate.
many loves and kisses!
kyle
I too love the cough drops!!! I cant help but say this. Your list is so much the same as mine would be. Love it!!!
I really appreciate this post! With changes in details, its something I could have written myself. I was disappointed in the plans I’d had for the holiday season that never came to fruition. Why do we expect so much of ourselves? And beat ourselves up??